Friday, June 25, 2010

Condoms for Kiddies

Today I learned, while reading the subtitles on the TV at the gym, that a school in Massachusetts is now offering condoms to 1st graders. They have to see a counselor first, but no one is going to tell Mommy and Daddy (or Mommy and Mommy or Daddy and Daddy*).

There are so many reasons why this is a bad idea.

1. Can they even get pregnant? It's probably their first time anyway! Why bother with a condom when there aren't STDs or babies (ha!) to worry about?

2. As if the locker room weren't humiliating enough! Now the little buddies have to worry about rubber size? (Also, who's gonna start manufacturing itty bitty love gloves? I mean, besides the joke ones in gag shops?)

3. Putting all the responsibility on the young men just isn't fair. The young women should take some responsibility, too, and female condoms are firmly necessary.

4. Latex allergies. Can you imagine the outrage from all those parents who got all hot and bothered about nuts and stone fruit? Boy oh boy. I wouldn't want anyone exposing my kid to such danger, I know that.

5. They're still very impressionable, and sex with a condom just isn't the same. If they think that's what sex is like, they may grow up not to like it. How will we convince them it's really much better than that when they can finally get the birth control pill in middle school?

6. Also, it's retarded.


*I just now found out the school is in Provincetown, and I was quite unsurprised.

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